Costume Ideas for Kids

Hi, kids. As we all know, Halloween is coming up, and it's time to start thinking of costumes. Everyone knows zombies are played out and predators always go for kids dressed as ghosts (they're basically already in a sack). So I'm here to offer you some costume ideas. Be the coolest kid on the Cul-de-sac with these hot tips!

Dirty Superman: Nobody really knows where Dirty Superman lives, but he is SO STRONG! One time he broke 3 cinder blocks just by throwing them at the convenience store across the street. He doesn't like to dress like a superhero though because people would ask for his autograph too much, so all you need for clothes is a 1997 Houston Astros t-shirt and pants held up with a white belt. And remember, his clothes get dirty from fighting all the bad guys (who disguise themselves as policemen to trick him). Dirty Superman talks to his parents back on his home planet a lot, especially at night when you are sleeping. So remember while walking around the neighborhood this Halloween, to yell things like "It's too salty!" and "Always, the socks!" Extra Points for saying "God Bless you," instead of "Trick or treat."

Glen, the Man who Lives Alone and Comes to your Parents' Dinner Parties: Glen is so great! He knows five magic tricks and wears glasses that look like an airline pilot's! Your parents can help you find the glasses (they look like this, Mom and Dad). The rest of Glen's clothes are easy. He buttons his collared shirt up to the top button even though he has no tie. He wears khaki pants with no belt and spends a long time brushing his hair. The way to act like Glen is to stand 4 feet to the right of everyone. Look at your feet and wait till somebody says your name three times before you react to them. When a lady gives you candy, ask if she can help you sew a button on your pants and then don't leave her front porch until she politely asks you to.

The Back of Uncle Harold's Neck: Uncle Harold's neck is covered with bumpy sadness. He says he got them after Desert Storm and "Uncle Sam's pockets ain't deep enough to cover cutting 'em off." He also says they make him a "Poon Leper" down at the OTB. I don't know what a "Poon Leper" is but it'd probably be a fun costume! Anyway, take red Kool-Aid powder and mix it with silly putty. Cover bumpy parts of an egg carton with the putty mixture and glue the parts all over a flesh colored sweat suit (ask for help from mom and dad). Now you're ready to spook the neighborhood!

HAPPY HAUNTING, EVERYONE!